Wednesday, February 16, 2005

St Valentines Day!

Valentine's day for me, always has been one of the harder nuts to crack. It has continually been a source of mystery, confusion and apprehension. In short, it is an inexplicable blot on the foggy landscape of life. I am happy to announce that the The History Channel also happens to concur with me. They too, do not have a clue.

Let me put forth the facts before I begin foaming at my mouth. I love G. I have done so for the last 8 years that I have known her. I am thankful for all those clean pairs of socks which I have now -- a simple pleasure which somehow had eluded me before she decided to take charge. Saying that, I would also like to state that G. bays for my blood on Valentines Day. The 14th of February is the day G. turns into a lurking werewolf stalking my happy home all ready to ambush me with the dreaded question -- "So what have you planned for today ?" I have immediately proved myself to be the insensitive clod.

The pressure of being the flamboyant romantic does not really mix well with me. It is one of my major failings. I have commented on the relative merits of 10 different sarees with supremely feigned expertise, without batting an eyelid. I have dined on the most vague tasting preparations with the air of a gourmet and even came out with encouragement and extremely well measured, polygram defeating praise. However, to metamorphose from a clumsy nerd into the tango-with-rose-between-my-teeth smoothie is completely beyond me. Please do not misconstrue this as obdurateness. It is sheer ineptness. This very lack of skill is the single reason for being labeled the unsophisticated boor for at least this day of the year.

Coming back to the dreaded question -- "What have I planned ?". The honest answer for that would of course be "to lie low". Honesty being the best policy in the context of relationships however, is not an established fact. For I have tried it previously and it has not proved to be the best for me, to say the very least. Under such stressful conditions, there have been times when I have been able to come out with gems like "Its a surprise !" to bloopers like "Actually there are 3 bugs to fix -- one particularly vicious memory leak has been troubling me for long." Responses like the latter bring about swift retribution but the clever rejoinder like the former are the real harbingers of doom. When it comes to planning out something of the nature of a romantic episode, the mind flounders. I have already exhausted the usuals (Movie and dinner), very early in the life of the relationship and somehow I simply cannot conjure up anything better. So after a brain racking three hours I come up with... Movie and dinner ! One will have noticed that, after a brilliant promise of a surprise, a movie and a steak does not really bring the biscuit home. Now, not only am I insensitive, I am also boring. I should really take a lesson from what (insert any number of names here) are doing.

Any person moulded from the common clay (which I think I am) will inevitably collapse under such trying circumstances. So do I. Sometimes this nervous breakdown manifests itself as stolid silence, and at times as exasperated mumbling. I however have some advice to give to all like minded fellow humans. However sombre the ensuing situation might become, however hopeless life seems, avoid the three dreaded words -- "Lets go dancing".

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