Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Leave us alone !

The witty little lady we call the Marauder's Map in a rather exasparated post has posed the perennial question -- What does one do with the men in their lives ? I in my officious, yet helpful nature have decided to pitch in with a few sizzling tips on behalf of the unfairer sex. So, here goes.
  1. We Jump the Gun: This particular habit emanated from the fact that as soon as the hairy mammoth would make an appearence, we just had to bung that spear at it. The fact that the hairy mammoth would either make a vigorous beeline for the sunset or the spear-chucker directly after it made its appearance, necessiated such rapid action. One will notice that the described scenario leaves very little scope for one to ruminate upon the finer feelings of the hairy mammoth in question. The spear has to be chucked. When we opine, we opine without much thought. Our opinions are very much akin the spear. They cater to the Ensuing Situation. We really do not take into consideration what we had said to whom roughly three years back, or that fact, yesterday or the wider emotional ramifications of the opinion. If what has been unshipped results in the entry of another metaphorical hairy mammoth(HM), we shall attempt to garner another object to bean it with or, die gaping at it.
  2. We Answer Questions: Coming back to the previous (bad) example, when the HM is proceeding in the general direction where one is situated, one does not ponder on what the deeper, finer justifications for which the poor pachyderm is perturbed. One takes Prompt Action. One thinks of a solution. The nature of this prompt action also happens to be the prerogative of the pursued. When posed with a problem, we answer and we opine. We do not nod the sympathetic head and agree with a problem. They are meant to be cracked and not gently agreed upon. We are also very sorry, but we are oblivious of the answer that we are supposed to give. We give the answer we think will bring the biscuit home. There are times(which frequently occur) when these solutions seem to cause undue emotional distress because it does not concur with the predetermined, sensitive, understanding answer. If one has already decided on the solution to the poser, one should not pose it. Ask the question to yourself and please answer it yourself too.
  3. We love you but there are some other things to do Right Now: We love you with heart and soul. We would, without batting an eyelid give up everything we have to see you happy. We however, sadly have other things to do too. There are times when it of prime importance to serve flaming death to the three Overwatch Soldiers around the corner because one has been struggling with this level for the last three days. One is really not interested in how the distant friend of yours has been mean to another distant friend of yours and as a result, through some convoluted reason, the cat has refused her milk once.
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The Marauder's Map said...

Ha! This proves my long-held and cherished theory that when men are cornered and don't know what to say, they look to evolutionary biology to prove their non-existent points. Such as why they like women with impressive, er, assets, why they run after women they have no intention of marrying (just like dogs run after cars they have no intention of driving har har) etc etc. It is interesting to note that guys who barely paid attention to the biology teacher in class unless she was a stunning beauty, suddenly start spouting Morris. Men, I tell you!

The Marauder's Map said...

Pardon inefficiency in inserting link. Meant Desmond Morris, of course.

Ph said...


J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Bald M, I'm standing on the sidelines cheering. Towels, water and Band-Aid ready. Go for it! More! More!


Bald Monkey said...

@The Marauder's Map:
I have a small correction to make to your observation. We never know what to say. It is just that you expect answers when we are cornered.

Thank you for your encouragement comrade. It indeed is an onerous task. As you and I know, that
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

and we hardly understand anything they are saying.