Thursday, May 04, 2006

Analyze This

Delhi, India: In an expected turn of events, the combined number of hours clocked by braindead cricket match and cricket player analysis programs on Indian television have surpassed the cumulative time for all the actual cricket shown on it. The momentous occasion came upon the unsuspecting world during 32nd minute of the immensely popular Match ka Joker Kaun ? post match analysis show which was being aired on Aaj Tak at 8:35 pm last Saturday. A large number of channels had been vying for this prestigious achievement but Aaj Tak pipped the rest of the competition by going in for a post-match analysis program without any actual match to analyze. Bald Monkey, our chief researcher has created the worms which describes the timeline for the whole process:

Although it has made no difference to the actual viewership, the [FILMY] channel has called for a rematch. "The post match analysis program in question cannot be deemed as official since there was no actual official match before or after the show. Aaj Tak is cheating !" was the official statement from the management of [FILMY]. The Aaj Tak channel has responded saying "Talking of official, we are not even sure as to whether the Eurasia Cup thingy that the [FILMY] channel has been covering (and analyzing) is even official or not. Also, that match between the movie stars and cricketers-from-the-geriatric ward which [FILMY] telecast and analysed was certainly not official. Official Shoffical ! Pah !" . Set Max, (the pioneer of meaningless post and pre match analysis) has for unknown reasons remained silent on the matter.

When Sharad Pawar, the president of the BCCI was approached, he informed us that the BCCI had been anticipating such an eventuality. "We in the recent past had drastically increased the number of irrelevant matches and tournaments but clearly our efforts have not been enough to thwart the problem" he said. The BCCI is now looking into ways in which it might grant official status to some of the analysis programming and in the process generate some revenue for itself. "We will put in place a board of selectors who will select a panel of experts to analyze the matches on television. For the rest of the flim flam on these programs, we will have a reality-show-talent-hunt with huge portions of melodrama." the president of the BCCI said.

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Anonymous said...

You have waaay too much time you asshole. Why don't you use some of that to take out the mountain of wet towels from the left side of the bed?