The Times Of India Has Saved Me !

The Times Of India (TOI) is a publication par excellence. I lovingly call them the Airheaded Whores. Not only has it, over the years, been filling me in with the most pertinent and current issues, it has very recently even managed to extricate me from the cesspool that is my social life ! The curious reader at this juncture would raise the Questioning Eyebrow and ask "How on earth is that even fricking possible ?" The truthful reader would also go on to say "Your social life is beyond redemption man !"

I therefore point you towards this brilliant bit of writing and public service. This article single handedly will transform one from a smelly, unwanted drunk to a smooth woman "lurer". One is strongly urged to peruse this extremely valuable bit of writing. The biggest learnings that I have been able to glean from the hallowed article are as follows:

1. That "Even if you're funny and charming, you're not going to get far with a woman if you smell"
2. If your "approach" towards dating "involved getting drunk" it might have been the wrong thing to do.
3. "Have a clean bedroom, clean sheets - and a lamp to create romantic lighting"
4. And the most important learning of them all -- "Don't mix with loser friends"

I am truly a changed man ! Ladies, please get ready to be lured !